I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. Team work is important it helps to put the blame on someone else. When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.The reason we “nod off to sleep” is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting.My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”.Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job.The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!” The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.” The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
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